Crying Without Tears
by xSlashable
Summary: El saved Sands, the exCIA agent is having bad dreams, flashbacks from his past. Warning: slash, angst, rape... Jippi...


**I can't believe I'm actually posting this. I wrote this last year. (Yep, januari 2006!)**

**I would like to thank Nuky! My dear beta-reader! You rock dudette! Love you!**

**And.. I'd also like to thank Preem (X-ReBelle-X) who encouraged me to actually let this story be read!**

**Please review!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own... bladiebla... you know how it goes.**

**Warning: Slash! YAY! And well... some other dark stuff you really didn't want to know about. And swearing of course... common... duh!**

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He felt like shit, while listening to the sound of the man's voice. He didn't understand the words, but knew perfectly well who was talking to him. El Mariachi, the worlds biggest fuckwit! Sands felt his shirt getting ripped of and tried to move, but his body refused to. He couldn't let El do this to him, whatever the man was trying to do. He opened his mouth:

"Get your shit hands of me!" He yelled, but his voice lacked power.

"I'm not trying to rape you if that's what you think I'm trying."

"Well if you aren't going to rape me, what exactly are you doing?" Sands asked.

"Helping." Was the short answer and right after that an incredible pain shot through Sands' body. He had to bite his lip, so he wouldn't scream out in agony.

"That's not helping!" He yelled. Strange enough he heard El chuckle.

"I'm sorry, it's just, you're never going to confess you are in pain are you?"

"Do you want me?" Sands ask sarcastic. No answer. "Where am I anyway? And why is everything so dark?"

"Doesn't matter, you're safe, but shot." El's voice said.

"That was_ not_ what I asked! Where am I, is the question!"

"In my house." He felt some movement, "here, bite on this."

"Wait, why?" Sands asked, slightly worried.

"Look, if you don't want it, fine than I'll do it the other way."

"Do what?" Sands asked.

"Do you want it or don't you?" Sands opened his mouth and felt what was probably some kind of belt. He closed his mouth again and waited for the pain to come. And the pain did come. A terrible aching pain in his right shoulder that spread through his entire body. He hissed and cursed himself for doing so. He bite down on the belt as hard as possible, but the pain was almost unbearable. He didn't know why, probably because he had been nearly dead from all the bullets that had gathered in his body.

That was when he remembered. The headache he had felt ever since he awoke wasn't from bumping his head. He was blind. BLIND!

"Almost done," El said and saw how pale Sands face had gotten, "is it that painful?" Sands didn't answer. "Sands?" El instantly felt for a pulse, it was there, faint, but strong enough. "So the strong agent Sands fainted, eh?" It was true, Sands had actually fainted. El removed the belt out of the man's mouth after removing all of the bullet shots. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt sorry for the broken man in front of him. He gently picked the man up and walked to his own room where he laid the man back down. The body tensed and it became clear Sands had awaken.

"What happened?" He asked startled.

"You fainted." El answered, he knew Sands wouldn't like that answer.

"I did not!" He said offended, "I wouldn't!"

"Have it your way." Sands felt around him and grabbed hold of the soft spread.

"Am I on a bed?" He sounded insecure.

"Yes, mine."

"What? I am on your _bed_?!"

"Don't worry, you can trust me."

"Can I? I don't know what you've done to me! I don't faint, so you must have done something!" Sands yelled.

"Why would I do that?" El answered calm.

"We _hate_ each other!"

"Yes, well, desperate times call for desperate deeds." El walked to the door. "You get some rest, we will talk again tomorrow."

"Wait, what's the time?" Sands asked.

"There's a clock right next to you." Was that an undertone in El's voice.

"Right."

"Get a good night sleep." The door closed.

"Fuck-mook..." Sands whispered.

"I heard that..." A voice from the other room said.

"Good!" Sands didn't know what to do, he was in a strange house and if that wasn't enough. His gun was gone, El probably took it. And talking about that fucker, what was _he_ doing in the same house as _El Mariachi_?!

It took Sands almost three hours to admit he was to tired to stay alert and let sleep claim him.

"Sands..." he heard someone call, "Sands!" Someone touched his cheek. He sat up at once.

"Who's there?"

"I am, what's the matter with you?" El asked. 'Great, how am I going to talk myself out of this one?' he thought to himself, knowing what had happened. "Bad dream?"

"No," Sands answered, "don't have them." That was far from the truth though. "Why did you wake me?"

"You were having a bad dream..."

"I don't _have_ them!" Sands yelled, he was pushed down on the bed again.

"Ssssh, I didn't want to offend you..."

"What _are_ you trying to do?"

"Trying to seduce you,"

"WHAT?!" Sands voice sounded somewhat more afraid than El had thought it would be.

"Just kidding." El said smirking.

"How ironic." Sands was sarcasm to the bone.

"I wasn't kidding." Sands was definitely confused. "Not entirely."

"Just go fuck yourself." Sands said, though El realised something had changed in the way the agent acted, but he couldn't place it. At least he was still cursing, that was a good thing El laughed.

"You're so kind." Sands got up from the bed. 'great what now? Have to find a door.' He remembered where El exited the door yesterday. He'd just give it a try, he walked to where the door would probably be. When his fingertips felt a solid wall he started searching for an door handle.

"What's wrong with you?" El asked, but Sands had a feeling his enemy knew what was the matter, but just liked to see him suffer. He heard footsteps coming closer and Sands turned around. "You are blind." A shiver shot down his spine hearing that word again.

"I'm not blind!" Sands replied with a shaky voice.

"Why don't you remove your glasses, if that's the case." The footsteps came closer, but Sands stayed where he was.

"Why should I?" Sands asked.

"Never mind, keep your secrets to yourself. I know how you feel." Sands couldn't believe it, he had thought El would have beaten of his sunglasses and laughed his socks of and probably kill him next. "Come on, lay down, I'll get you something to eat and drink."

"I don't need it and I want to get out of here!" He started to search for the door again. El laughed. "Shut up, or I'll kill you!" El laughed even harder, annoying the shit out of Sands.

"Just go back to bed, you're not healed completely."

It was true, he didn't feel very well, but absolutely did not want to stay in the same house as El Mariachi, only so the man could see him suffer.

"I'm going." His hands got hold of an handle, but before he could use it to open to door, something cold connected to his temple, a gun. Great, El had a gun and he had nothing.

"You aren't going anywhere." A whispering told him. He was pulled backwards and lost grip of the door handle, cursing under his breath he turned around and kicked. He had hit the loser, but not hard enough to win. El recovered and grabbed hold of Sands' wounded arm, turning it so the agent was forced to turn around.

"I could break it, but prefer doing things the nice way. It's your call." The wound on his arm was burning, his head aching and it almost became unbearable.

"Let me go fucker!" Sands yelled. The man jerked Sands arm up, and he was forced on the ground. "Why can't I go?" He was leaning on his free hand still trying to break free out of the grip. He tried to kick backwards, but only received a kick in his back and hit the ground, but managed to get his arm free.

"You, like I said, aren't going anywhere!" Sands stood up again, to El's surprise, but after a few seconds his legs gave up and he fell to the ground again, El was just in time to catch the falling man. He had seen the agent had been in a great deal of pain and felt sorry for the man, he didn't want to be the cause of this hell the agent went through, but could not just dump him on the streets, which would lead to his death. El brought him back to the bed and laid him down carefully. The wound on his arm was bleeding again, but not that badly.

El sat down next to the man who'd just fallen again, he must've felt terrible getting beaten by your enemy again. El's hand reached out for Sands face, he got hold of the glasses and gently lifted them.

"Mi dios! What have they done to you?" He whispered shocked and put the glasses back on.

He remembered clearly the day he'd found Sands. He hadn't recognised the guy at first, he was covered in blood; his shirt, neck and face. It looked as if someone had tried to wipe most of the blood off of his face though. The man was still alive, dying, but could probably be saved. The night was already over the town and El didn't waist any time, he picked up the man and saw the gun in the man's hand. He recognised it. He looked better at the man and despite all the blood and hairs that had fallen in the man his face he finally knew who it was. Sheldon Jeffrey Sands. It was quite a shock, but El recovered and brought the man to his car. He couldn't let someone die here, all alone in the dark. Not that Sands would notice, if he hadn't found the CIA agent, the man would probably die without waking up again.

He looked at the man on the bed and sighed, he was a strong man. The sight of the hollow eye sockets was terrible, he must have been in so much pain, El couldn't even imagine.

"No one can hurt you here." He whispered to the unconscious man, "you're only hurting yourself." When El stood up from the bed and was about to walk away, Sands body tensed and he started to sweat. His head jerked to the right and his breathing turned irregular.

"O no, not again." He walked back to the bed and took place again. "Sands, wake up, you're dreami-..." but he couldn't finish the sentence.

Sands whispered something.

"What?" El asked.

"Please don't!" Sands yelled at once. His head jerked to the left and his hands grasped the mattress. What was the man dreaming? El became interested and thought it wouldn't hurt letting the man sleep a little while longer. "No!" Sands screamed. "I beg you! I _beg_ you!" Sands who was begging someone to stop, make it stop. That wasn't something you saw everyday. El didn't want to admit it, but he liked to see this side of the man. The side that actually _felt_. The side that felt even fear and pain. The side that didn't only hate. El tried to understand what Sands was dreaming, but couldn't find out. "Please STOP!" Sands was scared to death and even El thought he better wake the guy, the screams became louder and sweat was forming on his brow.

"Sands!" He wiped the fallen hairs out of the man's face. Sands screamed and jerked up. "It was just a dream." El assured him immediately. Sands breath became somewhat more calm.

"I want to get out of here." He said, he almost sounded like a little kid, lost in the supermarket, begging for his mom to find him and safe him. His voice totally lost the power it used to posses.

"No." El was determined, Sands was not leaving this house any time soon. Two reasons, one: he would probably die outside. Two: Sands would almost certainly come back trying to shoot him to shit. Not that he was really afraid that would happen, he would probably be shooting Sands dead anyway. But it would make a hell of a lot fuss and that would mean, cartels all over the place again.

"Than you'll have to kill me." Sands was determined too, but unfortunately for Sands, El was in charge.

"I won't kill you." El said, "what were you dreaming?" No answer. "Tell me." He said, more forcing this time.

"Why would I?"

"What happened to the I-don't-have-bad-dreams memo?" Sands turned his head.

"Everyone has nightmares from time to time, I guess."

"You just had two on the same day." El said. "And most of those people don't scream that loud." Sands' body tensed hearing the word _scream_. He was aware that he did, but was it that loud? He swallowed. "Telling your dreams makes them go away." El said. He didn't receive an answer. "Fine, I guess you'll scream the answer anyway sometime, when you're asleep." Sands looked slightly worried, but was still not saying anything. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Sands said, again trying to step out of the bed, but was pushed back.

"I'll knock you out, again" El warned him. "Stay here." He said as if Sands was a dog, "I'll be right back with something to drink, you look thirsty."

How much Sands had wanted to say no, he had to admit he'd do anything for a drink, even letting El command him around. He sighed when he heard the door of the room close. He felt around him and felt a little table next to him, on it stood what was probably the clock El had been revering to the night before. He stood up from the bed and started walking through the room. He reached out and felt a curtain. He also felt a cold object, a window. There was a closet next to the window, probably a wooden one. He heard footsteps coming closer again and turned around just when the door opened.

"What are you doing?" El asked suspicious.

"Just… looking." Sands said.

"Looking, eh?" El answered. "I brought you some water, I don't have anything else. Well, alcoholic drinks, but I don't think you should be drinking that right now." Sands walked back to the bed, where he thought El would be. He held out his hand and received a glass.

"Where's my gun?" Sands asked.

"Why would you need it?" El was disturbed.

"I don't know, tell me." El ignored it and simply said:

"You can life without."

"Yeah right," Sands said sarcastic and drank from the glass. He just had to hope it wasn't poisoned or anything, but than again he'd rather die from poison than from thirst.

"How are you feeling?" El asked.

"Fine,"

"Nothing else to say?"

"Not really," Sands answered.

"Well than, I'm going to watch TV." He heard El exit the room. 'Watch TV' the words kept repeating in his mind, 'WATCH!' he bit his lip and sat down on the bed.

"Why the fuck do things like this always happen to me?" He whispered as if he was talking to some God, but God had forgotten about him a long time ago. He'd murdered, sinned and cursed. Not really the kind of things you'd do to keep God as a friend. No, he had to do everything himself, without help. He turned around and felt on the table next to the bed again, the clock was still there. "What's the fucking time?" he asked and grabbed the clock. He tried to find a way to find it out, but couldn't. He stood up and exited the door just like El had done. The sound of the TV sounded muffled, so he knew he had to be in another room than El was. He walked, holding his hands out to keep himself from knocking into anything. He felt another door handle. It was at the other side of where El was, so he thought it would be save to open the door. He couldn't be more wrong. He was grabbed and pulled into the room and lost his balance.

"Fuck!" He yelled when his head hit something.

"Shut your mouth!" Someone yelled.

"Who're you?" Sands asked surprised, when he heard it wasn't the sound of El's voice, he got up from the ground.

"Quite!"

"What are you doing?" He didn't receive an answer.

"Great, he heard us." A man whispered sounding sarcastic. It was true, there were footsteps coming closer. But Sands was more interested in where the man was standing and which way he was talking to. He made a fist and tried to hit the man. His hand connected with something and Sands smiled when he heard someone curse. But his victory was of short notice. He was kicked in his stomach, but managed to kick the man who was hitting him. He heard another man nearing him and tried to hit again, he hit the man right in the face and grinned a little. Maybe he could still do it. But this time the man's rage was clearly there. He was pushed backwards and his head hit the wall, a terrible pain filled his body and he felt blood running over the back of his head. Everything around him was spinning as he tried to find a way of keeping himself standing. The door of the room was thrown open and he heard El who came in shooting the hell out of everybody. Sands slowly slid down the wall to the ground.

"Sands?" he heard El say, but the agent couldn't answer anymore, for he had fainted again.

El looked at the few men who where still standing, ducked behind the wall and waited for the men to stop shooting, when he didn't hear shots anymore he jumped from behind the wall and started firing again. He shot two men at the same time and used both guns to shoot the last one down. He looked at the five dead bodies in disgust then looked at the blood tray on the wall, where Sands had been standing. Was he shot? He ran to the man and gently turned him around, to his relieve he saw no bullet shots, but despite that, the wound on the man's head wasn't looking very promising.

"Why do you always get into this kind of trouble?" he asked the unconscious man, "do you think I like to get you out of it?" He stood up to get some water and towels, so he could clean the wound. When he came back he saw the agent hadn't moved. He drenched the towel and used it. The white towel turned red almost instantly. "O god, that must've hurt. At least you won't want to leave the bed anymore." After cleaning the wound he saw to his surprise the man didn't need stitching, he then thought about what was behind the dark sunglasses. He gently removed them again and had to look away. They were still red, from remaining blood. He cleaned the towel and started to clean were should be eyes. After having done that he picked Sands up and brought him to the bed again. "This is becoming a habit." He told himself. The man stirred when he was laid down again. El took this as a good thing and exited the room again. He'd leave Sands alone for a while, so the man could get used to the house and maybe after that he could get used to him being around and who knows what happened next.

Sands slowly moved to the right, but his head filled with pain. He felt sick and alone. He was cold and warm at the same time, he definitely had a fever. He wanted to sit up, but couldn't the movement of the blanked on his skin felt terrible. He then noticed he wasn't wearing any pants, had El… no! He was wearing a shirt, but one that was way too wide for him.

"You're awake?!" A voice said and Sands body tensed, by the hearing of the voice. "What's wrong?"

"What did you do to me?" Sands asked his voice horse.

"Sorry?" El didn't understand.

"Where are my pants?" El laughed.

"Well, I just thought, you'd sleep more comfortable without them, there's nothing more to it." Sands looked relieved and El definitely heard a sigh escape the man. "How are you? You look pretty pale." El sat down on the bed and touched the man's cheek, he quickly pulled back his hand. "You're warm!"

"I know." Sands said, "And I feel like shit."

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" El asked. Sands almost puked only thinking about it. "I guess that means no." Sands brought his hand up to his face and brushed the hairs out of his face, but he froze. Where had his sunglasses gone?

"You know?!" He almost yelled.

"Yes, I knew al along." El answered. Sands jerked up and almost lost his balance.

"Where are my glasses?" He asked, but before El could answer the sudden change of position caused Sands to vomit. El jumped up from the bed, while Sands puked again. "Where's the toilet?" Sands asked miserable while getting up from the bed.

"I'll bring you." He helped Sands to the bathroom and walked back to the bedroom to clean up the mess. Ten minutes later Sands came back from the bathroom and walked back to the bed. El looked at him confused; he actually walked back to the bed without making a fuss about leaving. The man laid down again in the clean bed and sighed.

"I can get you some pills." El said, but Sands didn't want them. "Do you want me to leave?" No answer. "I can stay if you want. I know how terrible it is to be sick and all alone, though, sometimes it can be pretty nice to be alone too."

"I don't care." Sands answered. El got a chair and sat down.

"In that case, I'll stay with you."

"What happened with all those men?" Sands asked.

"Dead."

"Good…" he said sleepily. El for one moment thought he saw Sands miming a 'thank you', but that couldn't be, could it? Sands fell asleep again after a while, but El didn't leave. He looked at the man, no eyes, but still beautiful.

He had the weirdest dream, he was still in the same room and Sands was still laying on the bed, but this time. In stead of hollow eye sockets he was looking at slightly opened deep brown eyes. Sands got up and looked at him, smiling. He walked to the man, who in real live was blind. The brown eyes of the man where those which in you'd drown if you wasn't careful enough. El didn't want to be careful, he did want to drown in those brown eyes. Sands walked to him and came closer and closer, he'd almost touch his lips.

El jumped up, what was that? He was sitting on the same chair only this time Sands was still blind, he saw the man's eyeless face again, back – or still – on the bed.

"no…" the man said at once, almost inaudible. El's eyes narrowed, Sands was dreaming again. So that was what had waked him. "Not again!" The man yelled. A terrible feeling filled El's body, the way Sands was talking made him shiver. His voice was so full of fear. "Stop!" It was almost like the man was sobbing, like Sands was actually crying. "It hurts!" It was enough for El to realise he had to wake Sands.

"Sands!" He said while walking to the bed again, "wake up!" he carefully touched the man's shoulder. Sands awoke immediately.

"Please don't let them get me again!" He said.

"Who?" El asked, "Sands, who's going to get you?"

"They!" Sands said, grasping hold of El's arm as a lifeline.

"It was just a dream, a nightmare."

"No, it was much more then that!" Sands sounded terrified.

"Like what?"

"Flashbacks." Sands said. El's mouth dropped. Sands had actually lived this dream? Probably more than once.

"What flashbacks?" El asked, trying to keep Sands talking.

"My childhood..."

"What happened then, that's still hunting you now?" El was curious, but afraid what the answer would be. "What did they do to you?" El asked.

"They w-were…" He couldn't say it.

"Don't be afraid, tell me." El assured, but Sands didn't, the man kept quite. "Trust me."

"I don't." Was Sands' short answer, and El looked down at the ground. The dream he'd just had would never become reality, it just couldn't. Sands would never trust him, nor anybody else. Sands laid down on the bed again.

"Do you feel any better?" El asked, bringing up another subject to talk about. Sands nodded.

"Kinda, what's the time?" He asked. El looked at the clock next to the bed on the table.

"It's half past six in the morning, why?"

"I just want to know. Do you now how many times people look on their watches without noticing?"

"No." El answered.

"I notice, and that's not the only thing." El was interested, "ever tried to walk straight without looking?"

"No." El answered again.

"Or try something as simple as eating." Sands said, "Where are my sunglasses?" he suddenly asked. El grabbed them from the table next to the bed and handed them over. Sands put them on again still laying down on the bed. "How did you find me?" He asked and El began to tell about the night he'd found the almost dead CIA agent.

The day went by quickly, Sands had been up for a while and had eaten something, but had fallen asleep on the couch when it became 12 o'clock and El had brought him to the bed again, so he could lay somewhat more comfortable. Sands had promised to stay with El for a while. El had been very happy with that news, although he wasn't sure he could trust the man completely. It had turned night and El tired as he was, laid down on the couch, since his own bed was taken. It wasn't that late, only half past ten, still for a man who hadn't got a decent night sleep in the last couple of days it was pretty late. He checked up on Sands one last time before falling asleep. He didn't know why he was so protective over the CIA agent. He wasn't even sure why he had saved the man. And what had the meaning of that weird dream of his been? He could only guess the answers. But the most important unanswered question was that of Sands live, what had really happened to give him such bad dreams? He had to find out, who was 'they' and what had they done to him?

El didn't remember dreaming anything when he got up in the morning. His back hurting from the unnatural position in which he had been laying all night, he walked to the kitchen and got himself some water.

After that he thought he'd check on Sands, but when he opened the bedroom door and looked into the room, he didn't see Sands laying in the bed as usual. El started to panic, had the man broken his promise? He started looking around the house, but didn't find Sands anywhere. He ran to the bathroom, the only room he hadn't looked and to his relieve heard someone walking inside.

"Sands, are you alright?" He asked. He didn't receive an answer. "I thought you left."

"I wouldn't." Sands simply answered.

"Why did you lock me out?" He asked, looking at the locked door. "Is there something wrong?"

"No,"

"Well, can you open the door?"

"No," was the answer again. El sighed.

"Why not?" El was slightly worried again.

"Look, will you stop making a fuss out of everything? Just leave me, alright? I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Alright if that's what you want." El walked away again, to the kitchen. He had to trust Sands, hadn't he? Hoping the guy in his bathroom wasn't doing anything stupid he made them some breakfast. It wasn't much, he really had to go out and buy some groceries today. But could he leave Sands alone? After half an hour Sands still hadn't returned from the bathroom and El started to get worried for the third time that morning. Just when he decided he'd go check again, he heard the clicking of a door and footsteps in the hall. Sands walked into the kitchen, careful not to bump into anything.

"Good morning." He said when he noticed El was also standing in the kitchen. El was slightly disturbed by the way Sands had known he was there, for he thought he had been pretty silent.

"Good morning," he replied, "I made some breakfast, if you like any." Sands smiled, but it wasn't a gleeful smile. He sat down at the table, which he found pretty quick to El's surprise. "What were you doing in the bathroom?" El asked, while eating a piece of toast.

"I needed to be alone and since it's the only door with a lock in this house, I thought I'd go there." Sands said.

"Right," El answered. The two of them ate in silent.

"Do you have a radio?" Sands asked. He nodded.

"It's on the… I'll get it for you."

"No, I can get it myself, just tell me were it is." Sands said.

"It's in the living room, next to the TV." El looked how Sands walked away. He was fascinated by the way the man got along with his blindness. He wanted to be treated like a normal person, and tried his best to look like one too. El smiled, cleaning the table.

Sands walked into the living room and started searching for the TV, it didn't took him al that long, he had found the thing before he knew it and felt the table next to it. Indeed, there was something standing next to it, a radio. On the thing were many buttons, but which was the right one? He recognised one that controlled the volume. He pressed a button and suddenly the thing turned on, a soft sound drove out of the speakers, Sands turned up the volume and listened. He laid down on the couch and tried to think about nothing. Listening to the music of the radio and the voices telling him what the weather was like he slowly fell asleep.

He still heard voices, but not from the radio, these voices came from another room, one next to his own. He looked around him and saw a small room he lifted his hands and looked at them that was when he started to panic. He was small again; he didn't want this to happen. Of course he was clad he _saw_ something, but this something was a terrible nightmare. He wanted to wake up, for he knew he was dreaming. The voices grew louder and he heard people coming his way. He jumped of off the bed and into the far corner of the room.

"Please don't come, please walk by." He whispered, closing his eyes in fear. He made himself as small as possible pulling up his legs and burying his head in his arms, but he knew that if the men wanted to find him, they would. He heard the sound of keys in a lock and knew they had entered the small room.

"There he is, have a nice time." Footsteps came closer and the door was locked again. "You have half an hour."

"I know," the man said, standing next to him. He was pulled up by his arm and pushed against the wall, the twelve year old yelped in agony when his back hit the wall. Tears started to roll down his cheeks when he was thrown onto the bed.

El walked to the living room and saw Sands laying on the couch. Sands didn't seem to be awake though. Sands whispered something and El bit his lip, he was having nightmares again. 'This time I am going to figure out what you're dreaming.' He thought to himself. 'If you don't want to tell me, I'll have to figure out on my self.' Sands yelped and again it looked as if the man was crying.

"I don't want this anymore!" He said, through gritted teeth. He was defiantly in a lot of pain. His hands grabbed hold of his trousers. El narrowed his eyes. "Please get of off me!"

"O my God," El whispered.

"STOP!!!" Sands head jerked to the side, he started screaming again. El ran over to him and waked him.

"You were raped?" He said the moment Sands had awoken, he couldn't help it. Sands mouth dropped, surprised and confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dream," El explained.

"I wasn't raped." Sands said, El rose an eyebrow and suddenly felt sorry, he had drawn a conclusion way to soon.

"What was it than?" He asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But it would be good to-"

"I don't want to talk about it _right now_." Sands was determined.

"Okay," El said, standing up straight again. "I have to do some shopping."

"So?" Sands asked.

"You will stay here, won't you?" El asked, "I mean, the moment you step outside, you risk your own live."

"I'll stay." Sands said, "But not for that reason."

"What's the reason?" El asked interested.

"I don't want to…" he bit his lip, "be alone again." El smiled.

"Good." He walked to the hallway. "I'll be back as soon as possible." He assured. "Don't break down the house." He joked, Sands smiled. He heard the door closing and leaned back. He thought about his dreams over the last few days, why did those horrible nightmares suddenly appear again. All those years he had tried to forget them, and he had forgotten, of course he had been dreaming about it once in a while, but not as real as the dreams now had become.

Why was El so curious to find out what he was dreaming? Thinking about El, Sands realised something. El actually managed to change him, he hadn't touched a gun in ages, something that never happened, and he wasn't planning on leaving this house either. He bit his lip, but he had to.

"I can't stay forever." Sands said, "Someday he'll kill me if I stay. I have to beat him! I have to leave before he shoots me full of bullets!" He stood up, but he couldn't leave now, he promised to stay. "Since when do you keep promises?" He asked himself. He had to keep this one, he didn't know exactly why, but he had to. The man on the radio told him it was almost one o'clock. He wanted to take a shower, he walked to the bathroom, locked the door behind him and walked over to the shower. It took him a while to figure out how everything worked, but he actually managed to do so. He undressed and closed the shower curtain while stepping into the shower.

The hot water felt good on his body, as if he washed away some of the deeds he had done. The wound on his arm though, was hurting. After a while the pain was gone, the wound was probably entirely clean now. He still didn't feel completely good, but the fever was gone and the headache wasn't there anymore.

El parked the car in front of the house; he grabbed the two bags out of the car and kicked the car door closed using his foot. He ran up to the door and entered the house.

"I'm back!' He said, again kicking a door closed behind him.

"You're late." Sands replied. El smiled walking to the kitchen so he could put the groceries away.

"So what have you been doing?"

"Nothing really," Sands answered, he came walking into the kitchen.

"Have you showered?" El asked looking at the wet hairs. Sands nodded. El was impressed.

"I was wondering…" Sands said, El looked up from the groceries.

"Yes?"

"Could you, maybe…" he bit his lip.

"What?" El asked, "Tell me."

"It's rather stupid to ask." Sands told him.

"Try me," El said, joking. Sands smiled.

"Could you play something on your guitar?" El raised an eyebrow, but saw Sands wasn't making a joke at all.

"Of course." He said, he walked to his room and got his guitar. When his hand got hold of the wooden guitar a strange feeling filled him. He brought it back to the kitchen were Sands was sitting. He took place next to the CIA agent and started playing. His fingers were dancing on the strings. Sands smiled.

"You play pretty good." He said. El didn't stop playing, the music reminded him of so much. Sands silently listened, taking in every note. "If I could, I would close my eyes right now." El looked up at the CIA agent, still playing. After what seemed way to short he ended his song.

"Thanks." Sands whispered.

"You're welcome." He answered, laying the guitar down again. "So, why did you want me to play something?" Sands cheeks seemed to be redder than normal.

"I was just curious how you played. Curiosity, knowing your enemy." He said. That didn't sound completely convincing to El though, he said nothing. "You can't be a legend for nothing."

"You know, when I first met you, I really thought you where one of those messed up fellows, who would drink to much alcohol one day and simply die in a car crash." Sands made no intentions of answering him. "I was wrong."

"Where you?" Sands asked, "I am blind, they took my eyes, isn't that somewhat the same thing?"

"No, that's called unlucky."

"I _am_ unlucky." Sands said, "I lost my fucking virginity when I was fucking ten! Now I lost my sight and my already messed up live turned out to be able to get even more twisted!" El was silent for a moment, his mouth dropped, Sands was ten when he lost his virginity?! He looked at Sands who didn't seem to want to talk about anything, as always. El chose to ignore the virginity comment and said:

"You might have lost your old live, but do you really want to life that live any longer?"

"Do I want to life this one?" Sands asked.

"I hope so." El answered.

"Without seeing one fucking thing, that's not really called a live, now is it?"

"Of course it is! Why do people always close their eyes if they want to concentrate on either something beautiful or important? Because they want to feel it, every single touch or note." Sands seemed to think about this.

"But they can open their eyes again to see the danger."

"You don't _have _to see the danger."

"No, I get hunted down by it." Said Sands.

"Well, you can try to do something about it." El tried and Sands sighed.

"Like what?" he said frustrated. "I can't change the past!"

"You are not living in the past anymore! Forget about it, about everything." Sands knew deep in his hart the Mariachi was right.

"I tried that once, but I was only running ahead of them, but when I slowed down, my old live caught up on my, and here I am, living it all over again, just because I ran away from it back then."

"Than deal with it and let it behind after that, than you won't have to face it again." El looked at Sands.

"How?" He asked, "How can you deal with so much pain and fear?" He sighed, "Even after I wake up it's dark." He buried his face in his hands. El didn't exactly know what Sands meant by it. He was probably talking about what happened in the nightmares he had.

"It doesn't have to be." El said, "you just have to find a way to make your world worth it. Fight for it."

"I can't do it, I'm all alone!"

"No you're not." El assured, "I'm here too, remember. I can help you. I'll be the one that wakes you up when your dreams turn into nightmares." Sands swallowed and turned his head to El, smiling a sad smile he said:

"I know."

"Good," said El. "And keep that in mind."

El turned on the light in the living room, the sun had set and the house became dark. He saw Sands sitting on the couch, he hadn't noticed the room he was sitting in had almost turned black. El sighed and Sands looked up.

"You've been here for five nights now and I thought you would run away whenever you could."

"True," Sands said, "but that's the point, I _can't_ run away."

"When I was away shopping, you could've easily gotten out." Sands sighed and shook his head.

"For some reason I had to stay." El smiled, he liked this new Sands. Still, it was weird and confusing seeing the CIA agent like this. He thought about the dream he had had and looked at the man who was sitting next to him on the couch. He looked so innocent, although he had murdered many. Even after his eyes were drilled out he managed to kill four. Sands turned his head.

"Were you looking at me?" He asked. El tore his eyes away from the man, not knowing what to say he stammered:

"How… you… did you?"

"I'm blind, not stupid." Sands made clear. El laughed, not sure of himself.

"Still, how did you know?"

"Sometimes you get this feeling that someone is watching you, kinda like that." Sands answered, "so, why exactly were you looking at me?" El's eyes widened. Sands smiled and reached out his hand, it connected with El's face. El was shocked at first, but recovered quickly. Smiling he let Sands hand discover his face.

Sands felt the shape of his chin, his lips, nose and El closed his eyes, but Sands pulled back his hand, knowing what he had almost reached. El smiled, stood up and grabbed Sands hand, letting him stand up also. He raised Sands hand up to his face and gently closed his own eyes with the slender fingers of Sands. The CIA agent smiled nervous, though no-one saw.

Still holding hands El brought the two of them together by pulling Sands closer to him. Sands body tensed.

"Don't worry," El told him, "I won't hurt you." Sands body relaxed a bit, but he was still nervous about what was going to happen next. El released Sands hand and used his free hand to make contact to Sands' face this time. He felt the sunglasses that still remained on the man's face, he felt the soft hairs of the man he felt a nose and at last lips, slightly parted. Bringing the two of them even closer, he gently removed the sunglasses from the mans face. he bended down and let their lips connect, very softly. Sands brought his hand up and tangled it in the man's hair. El took this as a support and he let his tongue slit into the man's mouth. A shiver went down Sands spine feeling the gentleness and kindness of El. When El broke the kiss, Sands said something that might not meant anything if any other had said it:

"I trust you," El smiled, still keeping his eyes closed. "I do." Sands made clear. This was when El opened his eyes again, but he couldn't see long. Sands hand had found the light switch and turned it. "No cheating." He laughed.

"How did you…?" El asked.

"I know_ you_." Sands explained whispering. The room was dark. "No-one will see, until the sun rises." It almost sounded sad. El couldn't help, but kissing the man again. After the kiss broke again Sands said:

"El, I have to tell you something." El looked at were he thought the man was standing.

"I'm all ears." He said.

"When I was young, after having a fight with my dad, which didn't happen often, I ran away. It was night, I guess about seven o'clock. It was dark and I was sitting on the pavement, just thinking. A car came by and out came a man, after that my memory is blank." The two of them sat down on the couch, El's arm around Sands trembling body. "I woke up in a cold _dark_ place." It became clear to El why he was having those nightmares, dark, the whole story was about dark placed and now, without eyes, everything was dark, all the time. Sands continued: "I knew I wasn't the only one who was locked up in such a room, I heard others. Screaming for help or crying." El pulled the man closer to him, comforting him, "They were being raped and so was I, after the night I ran away, I lost my virginity to a complete stranger. You were right El, I _was_ raped." El was shocked, but recovered quickly.

"You could've told me," El said, "you should've."

"I'm telling you now." Sands answered.

"I'm so sorry," was the only thing El could manage to say, "I don't know what else to say."

"After four and a half years I escaped. Some days, lucky days, I was left alone, that only happened once a month I think. Most of the time there where people coming all day long. They paid for it and I never saw one bit of the money. Some days there were even people coming together."

"What do you mean? together?" El asked.

"I mean there were people coming to rape me with sometimes four at the same time!" Sands yelled furious. El swallowed.

"That's terrible!" He said.

"Since when do I have this kind of conversations with you?" Sands joked, though El could hear he was crying, his voice wasn't more than a whisper.

"Since I saved your butt." El answered.

"It's to late for that, I guess," Sands smiled. Turning around, he let their lips touch again. El could feel the man had experience with kissing, as he moaned, he felt Sands lips curl into a smile against his own. He grabbed Sands and turned positions, El was the one on top this time.

"Playing that game, are we?" Sands joked. El nodded, letting his hand slit under Sands' shirt. Sands tried to turn again, but the couch was to small and the both of them fell onto the ground. "At least I'm on top again." Sands said while El laughed. The both of them kissed and El rolled over again. This time Sands laughed. "Don't you ever get tired of this?"

"Nope." El confirmed, unbuttoning Sands shirt, which was pretty difficult in the dark. Feeling the soft skin underneath the shirt El leaned down and kissed the man again. Sands managed to get hold of El's hand and turned over again. The two of them laughed, while they both knew what they were about to do was dead serious. Sands fingers traced down El's shirt. He pulled it over El's head and when he felt El was trying to roll over again he firmly pushed the man on the ground. Laughing El gave up, pulled the agent towards him. Sands lost his balance and fell on top of the man. El saw his change and managed to roll over.

"Cheater!" Sands joked. He pulled out Sands' shirt. Slowly the Mariachi started with Sands' pants. Slowly unbuttoning it and unzipping the zipper. At once Sands' hand grabbed those of El. "I..." He started.

"Don't worry," El assured. Sands slowly removed his hands again and let El take of his pants. Sands was slightly trembling. "You said you trusted me, so do so." El whispered.

"I do, it's just... flashbacks." He decided. El listened to the whispering voice of Sands. "I can't see you and you know..."

"Well, we have something in common there." El said chuckling a little, "but you don't have to do it." Sands didn't answer. "Tell me."

"I want to, my body is just rejecting. Let me feel how real love feels."

"Something like this comes pretty close," El leaned forward and kissed the agent, long and deep. Sands moaned.

That night Sands felt love for the first time. The both of them had fallen asleep in each others arms. And in the morning it wasn't only El who could see the changes between the two of them.

It would be cliché to say they lived happily ever after. And it wouldn't only be cliché, but a lie too. Their live wasn't easy, as a man and a blind man.

They would be enemies forever, but became lovers for live.

* * *

**I hate the ending... yep... I really hate it...**

**Well, what did you think (untill you read the crappy ending:P)**

**Please! Pretty please with sugar on top review!**

**xDarkChocolate**


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